4. Genetic engineers at Johns Hopkins University announce that they have developed a so-called "super gorilla." Though the animal cannot speak, it has a sign language lexicon of over twelve thousand words, an I.Q. of almost 85, and--most notably--a vague sense of self-awareness. Oddly, the creature (who weighs seven hundred pounds) becomes fascinated by football. The gorilla aspires to play the game at its highest level and quickly develops the rudimentary skills of a defensive end. ESPN analyst Tom Jackson speculates that this gorilla would be "borderline unblockable" and would likely average six sacks a game (although Jackson concedes the beast might be susceptible to counters and misdirection plays). Meanwhile, the gorilla has made it clear he would never intentionally injure any opponent.
You are commissioner of the NFL: Would you allow this gorilla to sign with the Oakland Raiders?
4. Chuck has been a sports writer for too long. So much buildup for such a terrible question. I don't have a lot of interest in sports, so I don't know that I would care that much. I guess the Raiders probably need a gorilla on their team to win something.
No.
ReplyDeletePrejudice itself allows this monkey's football career to fall down the drain. Oakland Raiders would be perceived as cheating, hacking, breaking the rules, mudslinging would hammer the Oakland Raiders, and they would be the Oakland Raiders no more.
Well, if you don't like the Raiders, then its the best way to get rid of them!
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