New Stuff

So I read an enthralling story lately. It's really bizarre in its own way but captivating. You'll have to read it to see what I mean. Its called The Terrible Secret of Animal Crossing. It tells a story of one man's journey through the game, though its not what you would expect.

Also stumbled upon (not with the application but on my own), a funny site called Lamebook. Its got facebook posts that are funny and/or lame. Its like people of walmart and other sites like that.

Both links are added to the List.

CK: Question 9

Sometimes, I'll feel really gigantic. I don't really get it, but I just feel bigger than I did yesterday. Like my body is just too large. I tower over tables and they seem much further away than they did only a little while ago. Everything seems shorter. Here's another question.

9. A novel titled Interior Mirror is released to mammoth commerical success (despite middling reviews). However, a curious social trend emerges: Though no one can prove a direct scientific link, it appears that almost 30 percent of the people who read this book immediately become homosexual. Many of these newfound homosexuals credit the book for helping them reach this conclusion about their orientation, despite the fact that Interior Mirror is ostensibly a crime novel with no homoerotic content (and was written by a straight man).

Would this phenomenon increase (or decrease) the liklihood of you reading this book?

9. Probably increase it. I'm all about discovering stuff about myself and if the book just so happens to make me look inward and find something like that, then I guess that's the true me (unlikely). I also believe I have a fairly firm stance on myself already and I'm kind of stubborn, so I don't really think I would fall under the 30% swayed to homosexuality. I would probably do research on the type of people that have become homosexual after reading the book and see if any of them are like me. If every single one of them is just like me...well then I probably wouldn't read the book, even if afterwards I knew I would enjoy being gay. I enjoy being straight too much as it is to risk it. Hows that for not answering the question? lol.

CK: Question 8

8. You meet the perfect person. Romantically, this person is ideal: You find them physically attractive, intellectually stimulating, consistently funny, and deeply compassionate. However, they have one quirk: This individual is obsessed with Jim Henson's gothic puppet fantasy The Dark Crystal. Beyond watching it on DVD at least once a month, he/she peppers casual conversation with Dark Crystal references, uses Dark Crystal analogies to explain everyday events, and occasionally likes to talk intensely about the film's "deeper philosophy."

Would this be enough to stop you from marrying this individual?

8. Why did you have to make it a puppet fantasy...those are the only things I have nightmares about. If they are anything like those damn dirty muppets from Labyrinth then this makes the decision very difficult for me. I'm not going to google it or something in fear that they will be. Its 4 am here and I don't want to go to sleep with those in my head. Anyway, yeah this would probably kill me. Especially if she kept posters or something in the bedroom. Nothing screams flaccid like a dirty muppet watching me do my thing. And she'd make me watch it too I know it. Maybe if I saw the movie I'd change my mind, but I mean she could be a terrible decorator and terrible at cleaning around the house and lazy, which is equally important to me finding her attractive, so I mean if she was lazy as well as a dark crystal fanatic, then its really no contest. I won't go so far to say I'd rather die alone, but I'd find another woman.

CK: Question 7

7. Defying all expectation, a group of Scottish marine biologists capture a live Loch Ness Monster. In an almost unbelievable coincidence, a bear hunter in the Pacific Northwest shoots a Sasquatch in the thigh, thereby allowing zoologists to take the furry monster into captivity. These events happen on the same afternoon. That evening, the president announces he may have thyroid cancer and will undergo a biopsy later that week.

You are the front page editor of The New York Times: What do you play as the biggest story?

7. Ha, journalism. Well, first, no one cares about the president. Sorry, but you'll be okay old man, lots of people go through bad times. Theres a vice president for a reason (and I hate tabloids, even of important people - quote of the day: "Religion is just one big tabloid").

OBVIOUSLY this would be played as a double feature. Something like "Mythical beasts come in twos!" and I would report info about how the Loch Ness Monster and Sasquatch were found (reported in alphabetical order, so no discrimination over which is more famous). The president will be on like page 4 or something, where the people who care can read about him (or her omg! covering my generalizations for feminists). The Loch Ness Monster is a bigger catch in my opinion however. I mean gorillas exist, but huge sea snakes?

Gods Facebook

http://www.bspcn.com/2008/11/12/gods-facebook-wall/

Its pretty funny. Thought I would share.

Also, if all goes according to plan, I'll be transferring a lot of stuff from notebooks to my laptop and hopefully reworking my "portfolio" (a folder I call "words" with tons of notepad files). So I might post some stuff from that in the coming weeks. Etc etc.

Good Movies List

This would be easier to put on my blog so I can find it. Feel free to tell me these movies suck lol.

(In no particular order)

Moon
AI: Artificial Intelligence
Payback
What Dreams May Come
The Bothersome Man
Bicentennial Man
Being John Malkovich
Blindness
Surrogates (movie was ok, the idea was fantastic)
Shawshank Redemption (should be on everyone's list)
Taxi Driver
District 9
Lucky Number Sleven
Donnie Darko
The Count of Monte Cristo
Time Machine (with Guy Pierce)
Yes Man
Gran Torino
The Aviator
Akira (so weird)
Office Space
The Prestige
Catch Me if you Can
Die Hard
Religulous
Memento
12 Monkeys

Revolver

No Country For Old Men

Something I wrote in March

Next time you find yourself shopping at the local Cirilla's (an adult novelties and entertainment store), try asking for the return policy.

I was going to put more than that in this post, but honestly, I really only started this to put that thought down. I didn't write the thought down in March, I just changed it because that's what I'm making this post about. This is pretty much what I imagine when I write.

March 3rd, 2010.

It repeated. The desert he was in was flat. It just kept repeating. His life. An endless repetition. He used the same words over and over. He thought the same words over and over. He thought that his life was repeating, but thats all he ever thought, and therefore fulfilled his own self prophecy. He would think, my life is just the same thing over and over. Then he would think it again. And again, and again, and again. His life was a repetition in the practice of repetion. Was it choice? It seemed like he could not get out of the loop.

He drank from his glass and set it back down. He didn't pay any attention to it. He worked for hours. Typing. Typing. Words coming from his fingertips and transforming into pixels on the page. Backspace, he made a mistake. He clicked in the wrong place, starting typing between a word...didn't realize it for a little but then he noticed. He was typing in the middle of nowhere, right in the middle of the h. He took another drink.

The fact that his fingers never grew tired didn't bother him. Why would it bother anybody. He would probably be bothered to know that all text that was not on his screen disappeared forever, but the size of the text file always fooled him. It grew gradually, the more he typed, whether or not the words were visible or not, he took for granted that the computer could memorize words beyond the monitor, which made enough sense in the real world, if he was in it. He took another drink. Tack tack tack tack...ti-tack. The sound of the keyboard with his, at best, chaotic typing.

The font slowly turned into scrawl, but ever so slowly he did not see it occur. It became very similar to his handwriting which was illegible to even him on occasion. The print began to slur its words together as if trying to create a neon sign with the letters, in case he ever wanted to make a full size model to place in front of his home in the desert.

Home? He didn't have a home in the desert. It was the desert. What an absurd thought.

He took another drink.

His fingers began to trace in the sand, mimicking his handwriting. He wrote now in large letters, as the sand would allow no smaller without collapsing upon itself. His finger moved along the sand. It was hot, but he never stopped. His fingers formed the letters he was thinking of that may or may not have formed into entire words that may or may not have began to create a story that someone may or may not be interested in reading. His eyes furrowed, thinking these exact thoughts as he continued moving along the sand. He shuffled like a crab underneath his story, stopping only to take a drink of his water. The glass was always right above his work.

He didn't stop. Oh no, he couldn't stop. Men came and went, women came and went, animals and plants and storms and snows and tornadoes and earthquakes and emotions and suns and moons and stars and tears and blood and old age and childhood and fingernails and colors and stones and cores and papers and pens and offices and depression and thoughts and wrinkles and pina coladas and buckets of water and roads and airplanes and presidents and troubles and robots and cars and pencils and pillows and calculators and languages and magic and pots and pans and drills and gold and space and hands and feet and faces and marks and crushes and let-downs and fathers and mothers and cups and peanut butter and socks and towers and lies and infidelity and keys and hearts and discs and sports and nature and time and...............

He took a drink of his water.

No, never stopped. He couldn't stop. What a life he had to live. It might not even be his choice, the inability to stop writing came over him so strongly like an unquenchable thirst, but that he didn't have to worry about. He looked back on his line that traveled across multiple worlds and shrugged. He looked up and saw hands grabbing for him. They were always there. Waiting. He stood. He took a drink of his water.

March 11th, 2010

The hands certainly took their time. He stood with a slightly confused look upon his face peering up at the wrinkle-layered skin that slowly grew larger and larger in his vision. Carelessness lead him here. The gods must be reading his story from across the world and across universes. Obviously his story had interested someone. He only took a drink from his water, and stared upwards.

Boy, they certainly took their time.

He could feel their grip upon him, He did not resist. He was grabbed underneath, his arms free. The hands were so dirty and dry. Liquid could keep a pretty good hold on these hands. He dipped his finger into his glass of water and began to trace letters on the hands. He left wet marks upon them that continued his story, and they did not resist. His eyes looked nowhere else. He could not see what was above him or below him.

The hand was at least gentle with him, carrying him. He had no notice of it moments after it had picked him up, for his passion for his story was too great and it consumed his being. He took a drink, but hastily tore the glass away from his face realizing it was all he had for makeshift ink around.

CK: Question 6

This is one of the better questions. I'll have a post with a little more substance sooner rather than later (yeah I still pretend like people read this), even if its something that I've already written. Maybe some fiction for once rather than an opinion piece. I don't know.

6. At long last, someone invents "the dream VCR." This machine allows you to tape an entire evening's worth of your own dreams, which you can then watch at your leisure. However, the inventor of the dream VCR will only allow you to use this device of you agree to a strange caveat: When you watch your dreams, you must do so with your family and your closest friends in the same room. They get to watch your dreams along with you. And if you don't agree to this, you can't use the dream VCR.

Would you still do this?

6. Hahahaha. Yeah. I definitely have some dreams that I wouldn't want anyone to see, but really the more the closest people to me know the better they can know me and the better the relationship can be. I won't delve into some of the dreams I have here, but honestly I probably wouldn't tell anyone about them without some serious prodding. Most of them are written down. Not just the bad ones though. Anyway, yes. Even if the caveat wasn't there, I would invite definitely my wife to see all my dreams with me, and my family and friends for most of them anyway. I would assume I have friends that have the same kinds of dreams and would understand completely, and would do the same for me if they had a dream VCR. As long as I don't have to work around their schedules to watch my dreams, then its all cool.

And really, if everyone did this, then no one's dreams would be odd. People would accept each other for the weird crazy sex-driven people that they are in each stage of their lives and I think there would be a lot more understanding between people and how people understand themselves.

Maybe I got a little too psychological there...

CK: Question 5

I've been too lazy to make actual blog posts so these are just filler for you all. Feel free to answer though.

5. You meet your soul mate. However, there is a catch: Every three years, someone will break both of your soul mate's collarbones with a Crescent wrench, and there is only one way you can stop this from happening: You must swallow a pill that will make every song you hear--for the rest of your life--sound as if it's being performed by the band Alice in Chains. When you hear Creedence Clearwater Revival on the radio, it will sound (to your ears) like it's being played by Alice in Chains. If you see Radiohead live, every one of their tunes will sound like it's being covered by Alice in Chains. When you hear a commercial jingle on TV, it will sound like Alice in Chains; if you sing to yourself in the shower, your voice will sound like deceased Alice vocalist Layne Staley performing a capella (but it will only sound this way to you).

Would you swallow the pill?

5. Well, does she sing? Because if she sounds like Alice in Chains then that could be a quick slope towards her not being my soulmate anymore. But after having explained this to her, I guess it would be mostly up to her. I mean if she was okay with the collarbone thing, then I guess that's what we'd do. 3 years is pretty harsh though. I definitely don't want that kind of pain inflicted on her. Maybe I could beat the system and remove my soulmates collar bones so that when they break it doesn't cause her any pain. I don't know how it would feel to not have collarbones though. Wait, I got it. We put in synthetic collarbones, so its like she still has them, just not the originals. Then the originals go in a museum or something and someone breaks them every 3 years. Everybody wins. But I think I would like to hear some songs being played by Alice in Chains still, it'd be kinda funny, and I'd probably get used to it.

CK: Question 4

4. Genetic engineers at Johns Hopkins University announce that they have developed a so-called "super gorilla." Though the animal cannot speak, it has a sign language lexicon of over twelve thousand words, an I.Q. of almost 85, and--most notably--a vague sense of self-awareness. Oddly, the creature (who weighs seven hundred pounds) becomes fascinated by football. The gorilla aspires to play the game at its highest level and quickly develops the rudimentary skills of a defensive end. ESPN analyst Tom Jackson speculates that this gorilla would be "borderline unblockable" and would likely average six sacks a game (although Jackson concedes the beast might be susceptible to counters and misdirection plays). Meanwhile, the gorilla has made it clear he would never intentionally injure any opponent.

You are commissioner of the NFL: Would you allow this gorilla to sign with the Oakland Raiders?

4. Chuck has been a sports writer for too long. So much buildup for such a terrible question. I don't have a lot of interest in sports, so I don't know that I would care that much. I guess the Raiders probably need a gorilla on their team to win something.

CK: Question 3

3. Let us assume there are two boxes on a table. In one box, there is a relatively normal turtle; in the other, Adolf Hitler's skull. You have to select one of these items for your home. If you select the turtle, you can't give it away and you have to keep it alive for two years; if either of these parameters are not met, you will be fined $999 by the state. If you select Hitler's skull, you are required to display it in a semi-prominent location in your living room for the same amount of time, although you will be paid a stipend of $120 per month for doing so. Display of the skull must be apolitical.

Which option do you select?

3. Well, if I choose Hitler's skull then I guess I would have a legitimate reason to decorate it with a little square moustache. I wonder if that would look any good on a skull though. But I guess I could do that to the turtle too. Decisions, decisions. It'd probably cost money to keep that turtle, plus I'd want to keep it after the two years anyway and that's more money. If I choose the skull, then I assume the turtle will go to a good home? That's really all thats weighing on my conscience by choosing the skull. I'll take the money - and Hitler's skull sitting on top of my china cabinet or something. That could be a tourist attraction! That's even more money! And I could sell that skull afterwards. Really, I think the turtle needs to be magic or something for this decision to really be difficult.

CK: Question 2

2. Let us assume a fully grown, completely healthy Clydesdale horse has his hooves shackled to the ground while his head is held in place with thick rope. He is conscious and standing upright, but completely immobile. And let us assume that--for some reason--every political prisoner on earth (as cited by Amnesty International) will be released from captivity if you can kick this horse to death in less than twenty minutes. You are allowed to wear steel-toed boots.

Would you attempt to do this?

2. I suppose I would want no one to live in prison, but how do I know these people aren't guilty of the crimes and need to be placed in prison? The pain of one horse doesn't bother me so much to release so many people in miserable captivity, assuming they can get on with their lives as normal, not get put back into prison immediately after departure. Plus, if these people knew I did it, then I could get commended for it, and thats pretty much fame and money in the bag for me.

I'd probably bring anaesthetics or morphine for the horse though. I'm humane.

Edgar Allen Poe

Awesome writer. Heres all of his works online!

Also added to the comprehensive list.

1001 Arabian Nights

THIS is the real site: http://www.wollamshram.ca/1001/index.htm

It has pretty much everything Arabian Nights related, and online, for free. I added this to my comprehensive links and removed the old one. Story Of King Shahryar and His Brother (under Richard Burton Arabian Nights (1982-84) page 1 on the site, or that link)is the original story, but definitely a hard read. If you want the more comprehensible one, choose the link below (but don't follow anything else on the site unless you know what you're getting into lol).

ORIGINAL POST:

I heard this intriguing story a long time ago, and I repeat it (in abridged form) every now and then for the moral. I'll let you decide what the moral is.

Here is the story: 1001 Arabian Nights. (abridged...a lot) This is the best version I could find with a few of the many stories in plain english.

It is a story of Persian decent, and contains many stories within the story, which is why its so interesting. If you read one, you'll get caught up in all of them, like I did. Don't go ruining it by checking the wikipedia page or anything now - though you might want to anyway to crosscheck it with the link.

I will also add more of Scheherazade's (read it and you'll know who I'm talking about) stories as I find them and find them interesting. Half of them are movies now.

I don't believe there is any online source with all of the stories, but you can buy the whole thing on amazon if you want. 960 pages. Probably worth it.

Additions

I'll probably be adding and moving stuff around on my blog for a while.

I've added a "Comprehensive Things to Do" links on right side of my blog. Its sites that I visit every so often if I'm bored for entertaining reads or videos. If there are reoccurring sites featured on my blog, they'll probably be on that list.

What I added so far;

Drew Curtis' FARK - Its where I get all of my odd news stories. It's a site where people post stories from all over the world that are especially cool, funny, stupid, weird etc.

Cracked - A comedy article and video site that updates daily. This is the source of my knowledge lol. (I say lol because its kind of, but not really. Since its a comedy site I wouldn't have any credibility if I said that it was my source of knowledge. But I guess I probably don't have much credibility putting lol in my sentences anyway)

TED: Ideas Worth Spreading - This is a site where 18 minute videos of people with billions of dollars and crazy ideas come together. Lots of out-of-the-box new ideas that you'd never think of. The videos load really fast too, since they have so much money running the site.

Also, the list is in alphabetical order, so when it gets really big you know where to find a link.

Internet Vigilante

The world is an unforgiving place. Nevermind bending the law a little and trying to avoid the cops, now try avoiding everybody with a camera. Yeah, that's right, people now take pictures of you breaking the law and you can be ticketed. (Only in India, at the moment). The people taking the pictures range from angry, to bored, to self-proclaimed heroes of the law. Those who enjoy justice but didn't like the danger of being a cop or the work of being a lawyer.

Anyway, this gives way too much power to people, and I believe that people will be incredibly suspicious of one another. I imagine a few people who have taken pictures have probably gotten beat up already. And theres probably people who have nothing better in their lives then to angrily snap pictures of people on their cell phones for 2 seconds trying to give a number to the hospital for their son to take their mother to the hospital. Regardless, I think there will be many disputes and tickets over very little things. But I suppose it probably will force people to follow the law.

CK: Question 1

Remember to answer before reading mine!!!

1. Let us assume you met a rudimentary magician. Let us assume he can do five simple tricks--he can pull a rabbit out of his hat, he can make a coin disappear, he can turn the ace of spades into the Joker card, and two others in a similar vein. These are his only tricks and he can't learn any more; he can only do these five. HOWEVER, it turns out he's doing these five tricks with real magic. It's not an illusion; he can actually conjure the bunny out of the ether and he can move the coin through space. He's legitimately magical, but extremely limited in scope and influence.

Would this person be more impressive than Albert Einstein?

1. Yes. Real magic is beyond I.Q. even in a limited scope. Though I suppose Einstein's intelligence could be classified as magic. I don't really know a whole lot about him besides he was super smart or something. But Albert Einstein was within the scope of human power, his mind was limited by whatever tangible minds are limited by. The magician has achieved something possible by no other human, even if it is done to do nothing really impressive. But knowing where the stuff actually goes is a good question, does the magician know that? (Chuck Klosterman was unavailable for questioning so unfortunately my questions go unanswered).

Plus a bunny out of ether? World hunger solved, suck it vegetarians! Also, you better like rabbit meat. And free pets.

Chuck Klosterman

Chuck Klosterman is a.. writer. He uh, writes about american pop culture...screw it just click his name for the wikipedia entry lol. Yeah that's right, I'm not above lols in my blog posts. Maybe its not professional but it'll probably become professional later on. Otherwise all humor has to be like dry or sarcastic in writing since you have to be devoid of tone. So an lol lightens up the writing. Makes it so you know the writer is having a good time. You probably think I'm an idiot right now. Thats what I was thinking when I read it a second time.

Anyway he has these 23 questions that he "has to ask before he can love someone". That's not really what I think (maybe I'll make my own set of questions) but I think they are interesting nonetheless. There are some media based ones that I really have no clue to answer so I'm leaving those out. There are originally 23 questions in his book Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs: A Low Culture Manifesto. I highly recommend most of the book, as I don't really care for one of the essays seeing as I'm not big into american pop culture, and I recommend his other books. I haven't read them, but if they are anything like the first, then they are definitely worth the read.

I answered all the questions, but I'll post one or two at a time so people are more likely to answer them. I would enjoy comments! Believe me, I do want to read what you want to say, as long as it pertains to what I'm interested in. Thats how blogs work.

My answers should be invisible unless I forgot. Highlight over the big blank areas to see my answers, in case you don't want to be swayed when you answer. Actually that would be best. You should answer without looking at mine first, then we can see if our opinions overlap without knowledge of each other's thoughts. That's what you should do.

Question

OK reader person. Let me ask you a question. (Along with the originality question, there will probably be many posted on this blog. Comment people, comment).

If a person was born in darkness, and had only experienced darkness with no noise, images, or even touch (let's assume they are floating in space), would they have an imagination?

Highlight the area below to see my speculation.

I always seem to consider the religious buffs in these questions, and I guess it didn't really seem like a religious question until I said empty space. Because apparently, thats where God would have been. He had nothing and then he thought of some random stuff, I guess. Or did the big bang have a resultant 'divine' thought side effect? That seems kind of possible I guess. If everything was at one point, perhaps that one point was aware of itself and when it blew up God just stayed there. (Probably freaking out.) Regardless! Would a person stuck in the room have an imagination. I guess if you are religious you have to say yes to this question.

I, on the other hand, say no. If a person has no concept of light or color or touch or anything then how could they possibly expect it? Consider a person who is blind their entire life. Do they understand color?

Misc News

Mattress police. Seemingly fake news report about couple falling through roof. OK that's all I've got.

Seriously that second news story has to be fake though. They spell numerous things wrong plus who makes an affair part of the news that isn't a celebrity one? And who would publicly announce that they had sex with someone besides their fiance? Especially someone not that attractive?